slipping through the window
I unconsciously reached for your hand
and for a second
as if in a dream
I could feel your touch
the warmth of your fingers intertwined
But like a dream the feeling fades
the fog evaporating over
the river of my life
I lose you again
forgetting little details about you
like the arc of your laugh
or the way your lips feel
pressed firmly up to mine
In these last days
the sound of trains in the distance
are my only solace
Time is a strange mistress. We all know, deep down, that in time everything changes. We all know that the deepest hurt and the most stubborn pain eventually recedes, given enough time.
But as human beings we are stuck in the moment (and somehow paradoxically not in the moment), experiencing whatever we are going through as if it was a permanent state.
Have you ever gone through a breakup and expected that in a certain amount of time you’d be “over it,” but when that time came and went, you found that you were still stuck right in the middle…
Deep in the night, amongst the whirlwinds of my dreams, she is still there. When I wake, in that strange state between this world and the next, I can sense her, like a phantom that exists on some other plan than my own.
Yet when I climb out of bed and open the blinds, letting the morning pour in, I feel her fade away again. She is no longer in my life. And in all probability, we’ll never be together again.
The thought saddens me. Perhaps you’ve had similar thoughts in your life; perhaps you’ve gotten over them in time…
This is the truth inside my heart
Randy Newman has always been one of my favorite songwriters. His unforgettable melodies and croaky voice always pull at my heartstrings, summoning tears from my eyes even at my strongest moments.
I just listened to the song “Lost Without You” by Mr. Newman, and yet again I find a tear rolling down my cheek. The song is about losing someone to death, but the sentiment of love and loss is the same, so cry I do.
The truth is, I still feel a little lost without you. Our relationship was short, much…
Learning more about expectations and desire
As many of us know, expectations can often ruin our actual real-life experiences.
We expect a situation to have a certain outcome, or expect that someone will treat us in a certain way, leading to cognitive dissonance when it doesn’t turn out how we hoped.
Sometimes we don’t even realize we even have expectations. The expectations are buried deep within us, interlaced with hopes, dreams, and preconceptions, as they weave in and out our encounters with the world.
One of my biggest problems with expectation is when it comes to other people. In my…
Comments from the internet on moving on
Moving on is an amorphous beast. One minute we think we have a hold on what we need to do, figuring out how to live our lives alone and follow our passions, and then the next minute we’re ugly crying in bed and binge-watching motivation videos on YouTube.
As a friend once said, healing is not linear, and neither is moving on. Sometimes we feel like we’ve got it down, and then the next we’re lost at sea, wondering how we ever could live another day without the one we love.
I’m writing this letter to you, because it’s the only thing I can do
Even after all this time, I still feel like it shouldn’t have been this way. Things could have been different, and in the early morning hours, when the whole world is asleep, I feel like I can see it clear as day.
Of course, this leads me to another question.
Why do human beings fight against the machinations of time? Why do we resist what is and obsess over what was or could have been? No one can say for sure, but dream we do.
If you’ve ever had feelings for another person, chances are you know the dizzy, dancing feeling that love can make you fall into.
What’s the purpose of that feeling, anyway?
Romantic love, to many writers, philosophers, poets, and artists, has remained an omnipresent mystery. We know that we fall in love with other people, but often struggle defining just what falling in love means.
From an evolutionary standpoint, it makes sense that there would a strong emotional and physical trigger to cause people to want to mate with each other. …
Desire, whether we like it or not, is a fundamental part of our lives. We crave for food and water so that we can continue living, shelter so we can stay warm and dry against the elements, and for the company of each other so we can live rich social lives.
So if desire is something that we need to live, then why do we suffer so much because of it?
In Buddhism, desire is identified as the root of dukkha, or suffering, pain, and dissatisfaction. …
What are we really looking for?
When I was younger, I watched countless movies where people found love at first sight, or had some wild situation happen to them where love practically fell into their lap.
The tension built until that final scene, when the two characters finally realized they were madly in love with each other, and one or both of them made some breathless speech to win them back.
Of course, the other person said yes and everything worked out beautifully from then on out.
Needless to say, I sort of expected the same thing to happen to…